Guilt edged

As my friend most eloquently notes, I ought to be working.  I’m not currently working because, despite several millennia spent applying for, chasing and wishing for a new one, jobs are currently proving to be a little elusive.

I’ve had some more interviews which is always reassuring but, as of now, they’re not translating into offers or contracts.  There is more than one that I’m keeping my fingers firmly crossed for, because they both really appeal.  I hope it’s mutual.

However, that leaves me with the constant dilemma of, what should I do with my time?  Unlike the same friend, I don’t have a deadline to work to.  If you haven’t read his story,  come September he’s slinking back into the mire of student life to further qualify himself to watch daytime TV and stand atop his soapbox in the pub on a Friday evening.  I shall look forward to further opportunities to enjoy at least one of those with him.  Daytime TV isn’t it.

But, I digress.  I don’t have that luxury, for now.  I can’t say “OK, you have one week, two weeks, a few day to make the most of this free time so shut down your PC and get out there and just enjoy it!”  I have spent some time with the kids, my husband or by myself but, during the working week, it still feels like I’m playing hookie and will get caught and reprimanded for that sort of slovenly behaviour.

Or worse, I won’t be available when the job that’s been hunting me down comes knocking and I miss out – even though, should that situation arise, I’m more than certain that employer would wait a few hours for my return.

As of right now, I have a cheque to pay into the bank and a couple of items to return to a store in town.  But I’m putting it off, just in case.

I have a stack of books to read and downloads to review, I have music to listen to and cakes to bake.  Instead I sit here scrolling through recruitment sites, calling agencies and chasing interviews.

I just have to remind myself, as I am constantly reminded by friends, that something will happen eventually.

To the ends of the earth and back again

It had been my intention to write more often; to update regularly to help record how I’m managing (or coping more like) with the redundancy process and being made redundant situation.  Except that most of the time it is barely even coping, it’s just putting one foot in front of the other and moving in a direction that is hopefully the right one.

There have been days when being busy has been the absolute priority.  Early on I set myself a goal to apply for at least one job every day and have for the most part, exceeded that, finding that my line of work is in demand and in short supply.  It’s a comforting and reassuring situation but is also extremely time consuming.  I field calls and emails from headhunters, recruiters, consultants, employers and time wasters.  I update my CV, write cover letters, emails and make calls.  It all takes time and energy and, now that the end is very much in sight, the energy levels are in decline.

There are also days when at five o’clock I look back over the past eight hours and cannot say with any degree of certainty that I’ve done anything productive or of value.  Perhaps, however, this is less of a reflection on my output and more on my state of mind?

I’ve had interviews, I have interviews lined up.  My CV, at least, is in demand.  Having started low and had many discussions, I’m reminded that I am good at what I do, I am effective and I’m worth a lot more than I gave myself credit for at the beginning and, it seems, recruiters and employers seem to think so too.

I’m learning to read job descriptions, what questions to ask myself and what answers the variety of words give me.  Quite often it’s a firm, “Thank you but no thank you”, others it’s a thoughtful “Hmmm… interesting”.

Of course the best, the most interesting roles are not local and won’t allow me the luxury of working from home which I have been able to do for the past nine months but there are some that at least allow it one or two days a week. I’m determined not to jump into the first role that is offered; you’re a long time at the coal face to make the wrong decision at least when I have time to breathe, at least a little, before jumping in with both feet.